Time to come home

It's 11PM and I am still working again, answering pointless and poorly worded emails from "sei chuns". Hong Kong is a blast, Japan was better but I am in desperate need of coffee and AFL.

I want to live in a country that doesn't smell, I want to see the sky, I don't want to see people wiping their dogs nether regions with a 2 ply tissue, I miss my wife and my friends, I need a steak, I need a gym, I need a break!

So this is the end of the blog, I'll annoy you in person from now on....

The Path to Philophosy

Kyoto Day 3

The Path to Philosophy, Modern Art and Tempura

If you ever go to Kyoto, and it happens to be in Cherry Blossom Season I order you to complete The Path to Philosophy - it made The Wisdom Path (Lantau Island, Hong Kong) look stark and forboding - I can see now the parallels between Japan and Paris, especially Van Gogh's Cherry Blossom Painting whcih we have hanging in our house. It's the real one too.

It's a 3km trek in the North East corner of Kyoto City against the side of the Eastern Mountains. A small river runs from the Ginkakuji Shrine, lined with - yes - Cherry Blossoms, small shops and food stalls. The small river is speckled pink and white like a moving kaliedoscope; and, giant friendly bees buzz around posing for photo's.Lu bought a hat, but I prefered the alcoholic present - despite it being rude to walk and drink or eat I did both, and you can street drink on the Path to Philosophy. Heaven. I also bought what I think was marinated bamboo, either way it tasted like chicken.

Kyoto Day 4

Arashiyama Bamboo Path and Osawa Pond

Day 3 at any new city is a bit of a mix, the places you must go and take a photo are done - so you can do what you want but you are useley shattered. Louise, who I was now calling "the shopper-nator", had walked me into the ground and was determined to get me to Arashiyama Bamboo Path. We woke early to move our gear to the train station, and this time I did not open and close the locker to double check it work (last time I lost all our money).

After a sh*t breakfast and coffee at Starbucks I was not a happy man, I was limping and needed to log off. Luckily the toilets in Kyoto station are sublime, as I entered the cubicle it was spotless and even smelled... nice!?!? I leaned back and the automated seat warmer kicked in, along with the russle of water trickling (automated audio privacy built in - quite touching really). Things got better, "Nothings Gonna Change My Love For You" eased in on the radio, loud enough for me to hum along without detection. Better yet, weight was of my aching feet and my spirits were rising. At then... the masterpiece, the bidet... and wouldn't you like to know if I used it or not. It had nobs for water pressure and water temperature that alledgely work with pin-point accuracy - pure indulgence.

When I told all of this to Lu, who had seen me leave grump and return smiling she was disgusted.
"Well mine is cleaner than yours, who is disgusting now?" I retorted. I was too tired to care anymore.

The Bamboo Forrest is in the Western precinct on Kyoto - we jumped off the train and bypass the rickshaw runners in their toe boots and little black stocking jocks and decided to walk it, again (for the love of god why!). It was worth it though.
We also hiked up to the XXX lake, which was running an art display in the adjacent Bamboo Forrest. I think they are supposed to be Red Flamingoes. I liked it.

We wandered around the lake, and Lu was determined to get a picture of the waterfall, we finally found it - all of 1m in height from tip to creek... wow.

The Lake was just about the most Cherry Blossoms we had seen, the ground, trees, lake - everything was pink, and it fell like snow on you as you walked.

Elderly locals rested on the balcony having what looked like green tea. But Lu and prefer walking than nice things like that.

Kyoto Day 2

In your dreams: Kinkakuji (Golden Pavilion) & Maruyama Park (Cherry Blossom Night Festival)

The main attraction at Kyoto is the Kinkakuji Temple - made of gold, so Lu and I bypassed this and headed straight for the Kyoto Fabric Centre (vie the Imperial Gardens). I spent a good hour trying to work out which fabrics Roberta would like, but they were all silk - not quilting fabric, expensive and potentially available at Target. So sorry Mum, I bought none but took some photo's so you can tell me I should of.
We then headed to Kinkakuji - to do the tourist thing. Mirror Lake is filled with large koi and at least one long neck tortoise, more importantly they sold meaningless trinkets. Some offered "Good Health", others were named "The Midas Touch" etc. Buying one ($5AUD) felt like both touching and Midas were involved but not in my favour. Finally we settled on "Your Dreams Will Come True" which I reasoned could cover all bases, although I think I heard Lu sneer out "in your dreams tosspot".

Ignoring her poutily I immediately shut my eyes, and daydreamed I was lucky.

And I was! We stopped to throw money in the lucky bowl and THIS time I was lucky on the first throw!!! Take that Lucky Bowl. Now that I was officially Lucky, I wished for a wondrous night for us both - and we got it.
Next! My trusty Kyoto Visitors Guide (April Edition) informed me of some ruckus that occured at Maruyama Park (Cherry Blossom Night Festival). We'd heard screaming and drinking game chants the previous night and realised it was all part of the Festival. It makes sense right, pretty flowers are a perfectly good reason to get drunk.

We stopped and visited the Onsen, and made a b-line for the Park.

Perched in the middle of the park is a massive Cherry Blossom tree, greater and more beautiful than most. We tried to take a good photo but the Kudak is not much chop at night - google images can help here. Normally reserved Japanese youths, potential generation C gather through-out this massive park and get plastered on rugs, vendors sell hot food and crap - and more importantly beer.

Lu went straight for the toffee strawberries, while I gorged beef kebabs and Asahi.
We stumbled again through the Gion district and I was observant enough to see 2 dinkum Giesha's but Lu only saw one.

Lucky me.

Kyoto Day 1 - Onsen and Heian Shrine Concert

After arriving from Oooo-saka we made our way to the Hiroshin Ryoken in Central City district, just off Shijo shopping district. Our room was simple and authentic, but even better there was a Japanese bath-house (Onsen)!

This was very confusing for us...

Do you go naked? Do you wander down in you kimono thing?
When do you go? What are the little stools for? Why does the mirror only allow me to see my nether-regions aka "front bum"?

Lu took the safe option with swimwear, while I reasoned that if anyone inappropriate saw me naked it would be their loss. We headed down to the bath-house and luckily enough no-one was there. And what a cavernous, steaming room of joy it was - on my return we will be changing our study into a Onsen. During our stay I went twice daily, and only on my last trip did I have to share the Onsen, I was already in the buff and concerned I may offend a local - luckily he was also in the squids - I have never been so relieved to see a naked man in my life.

That night we strolled in-between the Takasegawa Canal and Kamo river, there is a landing with no lights that looks up at the Pontocho lane restaurants. Fire twirlers, students and dirty gypsies wander along the banks, but we were headed for a concert in the Heian Shrine.

Travelling down the poorly lit Reisen road we made it to the temple, you could hear the cello from outside and as you entered the courtyard a hundred Cherry Blossom Trees in flame were lit up with spotlights, mirrored by tranquil lakes. It was so beautiful Lu almost cried.

We then walked back to Pontocho restaurants via the Maiko district where ugly fat business men chuckled in groups, like a classy version of King Street.

I think it was our best day in Japan

Ooooo-saka!

Lu and I landed at Kansai Airport, Osaka (pronounced Ooooo-saka) late on Thursday night and headed straight out for Shin-Osaka. Yes Shin-Osaka is not the same place as Osaka, but we were none the wiser until arriving. Even more confusing was that Shin-Osaka was not near Shin-Osaka Station, but Namakgonogonishiwakaihonolooloohawaii Station... blerg!

Luckily we were on the same JR Line Train as Peter Fincke (Voice Talent), the JR Line English voice-over dude. If you catch a train in Japan, it's likely the dude speaking English is Peter, otherwise it will be Amy his friend at work. Peter dropped what he was doing at 11PM and took us all the way to Shin-Osaka, which should be renamed Shi*-Ooooosaka. Without him we'd still be walking in circles (thankyou!).

Don't go there.

Things got better from here, after leaving our shi* hotal at Shi*-Ooooosaka I unfolded my knees to the anatomically correct position, and we headed out for Himeji Castle, again meeting an lonely old man who directed us there. The only English he could speak was "yes", "no" and "Lovely". So we called himi Mr. Lovely - and he was.

Here is Mr. Lovely outside the Castle.

And the here is Mr. Lovely with Lu. And finally, here is Mr. Lovely to joining in the fun, my arm was not long enough to get us all in - but you get the idea.Despite Mr. Lovely continually wanting to go to the toilet or eat, we did not let him. The lack of shared language made things confusing at times, although I did understand his tuneful humming. Unfortunately Lu does not speak "humming", got confused by a hand signal and ran away as she "thought he said a certain area was men only". It wasn't, it was just a cafe - I enjoyed this.

Mr. Lovely stayed with us the whole time - and Mr. Lovely made sure we got our Offical Himeji stamp. ... And even though we only visited one Castle, he let us stamp all 3!

Here is a sample =)

Later that day we headed out to Kyoto, missed the rapid service and stopped at every station along the way... I miss Mr. Lovely and Oooo-saka

The Peak

Off to Japan today, here are some quick pictures of The Peak:

The Wisdom Path

After skim reading the Heart Sutra - The Path to Wisdom I quickly surmised the meaning of life. It means to care about nothing, so any change is viewed as insignificant. Thanks for that Buddha... what I did really need to know was that me camera Date Stamp was set to "on" and my ability to lord screen savers taken by my own had was severely hampered!

Luckily my Kudak has the "Panoram", not to be confused with "Panorama" function, that cannot handle the Date Stamp function - so I did some clean shots as above.

The Big Buddha is ridiculously huge and a must see for any tourist to Honkers. Even better - take the cable car there and you can see Buddha perched on top of a mountain ala Monkey Magic "coming out of the mist".

Up close it is a huge bronze monolith, with an eerie amount of dragon flys wisping around the steps to the top. Overly ornate butterfly's limp around, stymied by there garish wings - so much so I thought the first one was a bat. Inside there are numerous wooden placards saved only through time by Chinese Monks pre-westernisation, and only recently returned to Lantau Island, Hong Kong. It's well worth a visit inside to see the myriad of blood painted scriptures, and we think Van Gogh was tough?

My favourite moment of the trip was clearly the "Lucky Pan". If you ever go, ignore the Big Buddha, The Path to Wisdom, the Pin Lin Monestry and head straight to the dirty, and poorly furnished Tea Room Restaurant.

Outside the owners gives passer-bye's a chance to prove they are lucky - rub the pan handles and wait to hear the pan "sing" and froth bubbles froth like fire! Time after time i was proven unlucky while locals sauntered up for immediate success.

Life has told me to make my own luck so I asked the owner what the trick was... one glance at my pale, and pristinely clean hands and he chuckled. Grabbing an oily brown towel (see towel underneath bowl in the picture below) he chastised my hands like Jamie Lee Curtis from Trading Places. A shameful moment for me - but in return immediate success as my oily festy hands set the Lucky Pan into Song!!!

I am lucky, me!
Make sure you avoid the cheap, bland and regrettable vegetarian meal in the Monastery; but most of all Buddha World. It is a shameful treatment of a worldwide Buddhist landmark that has stood the test of time since 1992.

Funnel in the Fumes

Asia is a contradiction; Laos, Cambodia appear to be largely untouched from the western world - I know this from Cathay Pacific travel documentaries... but China and Hong Kong are out of control.

There is a weird change of culture where all the people on the island are very Environmentally savvy. They save bags, use public transport, filter air inside units / hotels, wear masks; and, promote the saving of paper in public toilet cubicles but seem to miss the big ticket items.

There are hundreds of taxi's on the road, and air-conditioning EVERYWHERE; but even worse the Pearl River Delta has cranked out so much pollution Australia has issued a travel warning to Hong Kong - the worst of it is at Causeway Bay (main shopping and eating district):

Contributing to the problem is Hong Kong's location in southern China's Greater Pearl River Delta region, home to at least 57,500 factories and 99 million people, according to the Federation of Hong Kong Industries.

"Factory of the World" trumpets the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region government, in referring to the Pearl River Delta on a Web site dedicated to branding Hong Kong as "Asia's world city."

The region is an economic powerhouse, generating exports of $519 billion in 2005, according to the government - rivaling those of entire Asian countries. In turn, half of Hong Kong's GDP stems from the producer services sector, which supports manufacturers' operations in the Pearl River Delta, according to the Federation of Hong Kong Industries report.

Added to the factories and the power plants are more than 225,000 vessels that arrive in Hong Kong's port, one of the world's busiest, the think tank Civic Exchange points out. The Hong Kong Marine Department put last year's figure at more than 230,000. Throw in Hong Kong's tall buildings and narrow roads, and a "street canyon effect" forms that traps air pollutants and mixes with local emissions from vehicles on the streets, according to Civic Exchange.

Rapid urbanization around the region has led to a land-sea breeze system that further traps the pollutants, according to both the Hong Kong Observatory and the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology.

This is a photo from CyberPort, one of the cleanest regions in the south of the islands, as you can see I am in flavour country:

And yes, on top of that people STILL eat McDonalds - even with all the supercheap and healthy food here. Our local restaurant "Ho Yuen" is about a third of the price, BYO and no MSG.

May and I even caught the Macca's delivery man - from his gear I think he may double as a paramedic. Now that's saving on travel costs (think of the environment - you eat, I resuscitate).

I made him stand in the corner... for shame!

"Tsing Tao" and "mh goi"...

Two beers, a shiraz, a pinot and whiskey and I am in Hong Kong; straight away I have learnt the two most important phrases:

"one beer please" and "thankyou"...

While Cathay Pacific can more than accomodate the normal man, it does not accomodate a Van Maanen. Firstly the flight attendant had the nerve to ask if I had an upset tummy as "I had been in the toilet for so long", and it that wasn't enough they offered me French wine...

Merde!

"I'll have 2" I said

As you can see the weight is piling on, but my apratment also provides a room to see the weight coming off too.

Cyberport is a bit like silicon valley, except there are great views of the harbour, Lantau Island, and less fat people. While it is dark all the time it is apparantly the only place you can really see the sky - and the place with the cleanest air.

China... yes I will look out for your Xbox 360 Street Fighter Edition Joystick, I feel like I am your Dad - here is a glimpse of Wan Chai Computer World. They have some awesome lap tops and you can barter pretty hard so I may wander in this weekend and look at the eee pc's.

Wan Chai is pretty cool too, except for Sunny Wong. His damn billboards are everywhere - I know I can't dance but must you lord it in my face?!?!?!?

crouching tiger... learn "the confuser"!

So I head off on Saturday, furiously checking all tourist sites for where to stay and what to do. 6 weeks in Hong Kong and 5 nights in Osaka... I hope they have AFL on tv there.

Did you say "Osaka", the city that Godzilla destroyed in both Godzilla and Godzilla raids again!! Yes I did.

Our work team is staying in the middle of the island at Domus U, between cyberport and the city proper. Even better, they ditched me over Easter so I am loitering over to Osaka / Kyoto solo just in time for the Cherry Blossom! Thank the lords I bought an outdated Nukia camera - perfect for this trip.

China (the person) and my wife have challenged me to film: robots serving me food, me showing the monks of Mount Koya my master kung fu move "the confuser"; and, not having one single girl ask me to "lip my stocking!"...

Grueling physcial challenges await me, the use of toilets not the least. While this device does not come with a "bit" to deal with the pain of squatting, it does have handle bars.

So while my AFL Dream Team is in tatters I guess I better get some culture into me...